Whining Loose Ends

I'm having a goddamn sulk right now.

I'm having a goddamn sulk because not getting laid for my birthday is turning into a thing.
I'm having a goddamn sulk because I have nowhere to go out to that I want, and no one I want to go out with.

I'm having a sulk because I'm still hooked on nicotine and am craving hookah and denying myself cravings and I really don't fucking like denying myself things.

I'm pissy because I can already see yet another, emotionally detatched, carefully distant relationship, coming right up, where I'm gonna be good for them, and for me it'll be just another "are we there yet?" and moments of vulnerability.

I'm sulking because I want someone to fuck me until I scream and can't stand, and I feel like I'm guilting people so they might feel obligated.
I'm sulking because I can't sleep.

Because I don't have my own space back right now.

Because I really, really, really want to get laid to satisfaction as opposed to "fucked and?"

Because I'm really fucking sick of feeling selfish for expressing my wants and moreso when it feels like things are about anyone but me.

Because I have all this stuff I want to do to prep for the semester but oh wait, I had barely any time, and certainly not enough money for that and groceries.

So yes. I'm whining about all the loose ends in my life. And I know, I'll put on my big girl panties and deal with it tomorrow.
But right now it's my goddamn birthday.

So I get to sulk if I want to. So there.
Harumph.