I spent a lot of time on this blog angsting.
It's quiet. It's mine. It's where I fled to when I felt like I didn't have a voice for my tumblr blogs, when I couldn't have a voice for the things I needed to say.
So now I'm...doing pretty well. Mentally I'm at the best I've ever been (though not, I think, at my best I could be)
I'm laying here naked, tempted to redo my mohawk because I miss the fuzzy, because it's humid and because I like my androgyny. Because I feel more at home in my body.
I'm also naked to get more comfortable with myself, because I've spent a lot of time being not comfortable.
I have a mirror beside my bed, and every night I tend to look into it and observe whatever it is I see, even if it's a day where I feel ugly.
It took me a very long time to realize that it's not fat or handles or that I have SO MUCH WORKING OUT TO DO (though I do, but for different reasons then most people would ask) but it's the curve of my body.
It's my hips that create that sort of a long and languid shape. The one that has photographers seeking me out to picture me nude in lightings and places, gently accentuating it.
It's funny, to hear myself describing me in those terms. It's odd, a little, I think.
But it's nice.
Nice to be able to say things here, in the quiet corner of the internet, that aren't cruel or painful.
Just sort of the quiet wonder of 3 in the morning.
So yeah. Take that elementary school. Not fat. Not ugly. Not undesirable.
Just me. Does that make me a hippy, to say such silly things? I feel silly for it.
It's quiet. It's mine. It's where I fled to when I felt like I didn't have a voice for my tumblr blogs, when I couldn't have a voice for the things I needed to say.
So now I'm...doing pretty well. Mentally I'm at the best I've ever been (though not, I think, at my best I could be)
I'm laying here naked, tempted to redo my mohawk because I miss the fuzzy, because it's humid and because I like my androgyny. Because I feel more at home in my body.
I'm also naked to get more comfortable with myself, because I've spent a lot of time being not comfortable.
I have a mirror beside my bed, and every night I tend to look into it and observe whatever it is I see, even if it's a day where I feel ugly.
It took me a very long time to realize that it's not fat or handles or that I have SO MUCH WORKING OUT TO DO (though I do, but for different reasons then most people would ask) but it's the curve of my body.
It's my hips that create that sort of a long and languid shape. The one that has photographers seeking me out to picture me nude in lightings and places, gently accentuating it.
It's funny, to hear myself describing me in those terms. It's odd, a little, I think.
But it's nice.
Nice to be able to say things here, in the quiet corner of the internet, that aren't cruel or painful.
Just sort of the quiet wonder of 3 in the morning.
So yeah. Take that elementary school. Not fat. Not ugly. Not undesirable.
Just me. Does that make me a hippy, to say such silly things? I feel silly for it.
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