I'm mad at myself again.
I'm tired.
Last night I went to a kink club for fun with one friend, and I kind of honed in on another friend's time with a chick he digs.
I'm angry at myself for being an ass, ignoring basic rules of etiquette that I learned fucking years ago.
..I'm angry at myself for caring, too, whether or not the friend scened with me.
Because he and I have a distinctive casual "We fuck and play around" sort of deal.
I don't know if he actually gives a damn what happens to me, and the dark corner of my head has an easy way of telling me he doesn't.
Holds affection for you?
Please.
Most people don't.
Most people shouldn't.
You should stay away from people.
And I'm terrified to dissociate that much because of what I become.
Fuck.
Why does this hurt so much? I thought I was doing better.
...I thought I was better.
I'm tired.
Last night I went to a kink club for fun with one friend, and I kind of honed in on another friend's time with a chick he digs.
I'm angry at myself for being an ass, ignoring basic rules of etiquette that I learned fucking years ago.
..I'm angry at myself for caring, too, whether or not the friend scened with me.
Because he and I have a distinctive casual "We fuck and play around" sort of deal.
I don't know if he actually gives a damn what happens to me, and the dark corner of my head has an easy way of telling me he doesn't.
Holds affection for you?
Please.
Most people don't.
Most people shouldn't.
You should stay away from people.
And I'm terrified to dissociate that much because of what I become.
Fuck.
Why does this hurt so much? I thought I was doing better.
...I thought I was better.
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