The Face of Someone I Don't Know

I'm feeling bleh today.
I'm feeling bleh today because my photoshoot pictures looked stupid because I feel stupid looking.

I'm feeling bleh today because I got to have pictures of people who abused me/raped me sort of in my face'd today because they go to the club I used to go to.

I'm feeling bleh because I'm fucking exhausted and not resting.
I'm feeling bleh because I miss being cuddled at night.

I feel lousy because I'm sore and itchy and it's fucking humid.

I'm feeling mad and hurt because I put in effort with people and it feels like people don't fucking do the same for me and I'm so, so fucking tired. And I'm sad at the same time because even though it was me putting in the effort I miss the shit out of them.

I miss being cuddled. I miss shooting the shit with them. I miss the sex. I miss feeling like I had trustworthy people even though they weren't.

I feel out of my head and a little out of my mind in bad ways and good ways and I'm just.so.tired.

And I really feel unproductive fucking blogging about it on the goddamn internet but jesus, if I keep this in my head, I'm going to explode or something.

I just...

I just want to curl up and cuddle with someone. Someone that feels safe and makes me feel enveloped and I can forget the world and sleep.
Preferably who is not boney.

Right now. That's what I want.