I'm Afraid

That I'm failing school.
That I haven't failed yet but I will.
That I will fail at everything I try to do in life, because if I haven't the chops for music and art, I've nothing else I can do with myself.
That if I join the Marines, I'd lose my family, which would leave me nothing.
That if I die today, no one would notice, or care other then family.
That being the case, if I do die alone, what happens to me?
That I chase everyone else away from me.
That I might cry.

I'm afraid of this blank wall of pain that surges up from the depths, pulling me down, making all too accurate the description of "It's like drowning while watching everyone else around you breathe."
I'm afraid to rely on my parents.
I'm afraid to rely on anyone.

I'm afraid I'm a nuisance when I do try and make friends.
I'm afraid to keep trying because I keep chasing them away by being myself.
I'm afraid what that says about me, if my personality chases every one of them away.

I'm just plain scared.